"why, Mom, why???"
why? because I turned fifty AND lost my adored father in june, have a unique marriage/non-marriage with my husband/non-husband, I have a crazy, demanding career as a fashion editor in new york, and last but certainly not least, I am mother to two of the most gorgeous mixed asian daughters you'll ever lay your eyes on. (spoken like a true mom, huh?)
I have a lot to think about, write, feel, write...
oh, I forgot one other thing. I am learning to date again...AGAIN!!!! I never knew how!!
I have recently been unceremoniously dumped by a man (that word needs to be redefined) who is 51 and never married, hello...a major sign I was in denial of, about a week after my dad passed away. the black and blue marks he left on my heart (and ego) have finally turned back to a healthy shade of pink, pumping blood in haste. you live and learn, so they say, time heals everything. yep.
getting naked again at fifty is not fun, and I'm talking about when I'm alone, never mind in front of someone else! it wasn't even fun in my teens and twenties when one was taut, for god's sake. one thing my daughter's have picked up early on in their lives from me is the hatred of their body...great. all my doing. the stares in the mirror complaining of my fat stomach, flat ass, and tiny boobs are so etched in their brains that years of therapy won't erase them. all my doing.
today I am having a lazy day, one I rarely take, thanks to the efficiency of a chinese-restauranteur father, who instilled a sometimes needless sense of urgency in his daughters. still in my pj's with my girls by my side (that's my daughters, not by boobs) at 4:00 in the afternoon, allows me to begin my new life as blogger...
