you know...I really embrace the gross and unusual. I do. the grosser the story the better. tell me a bathroom joke or better yet, a personal tale of your bathroom experience, and I am rolling on the floor, crying my ass off. I am SO immature. proudly I can say my daughters have followed suit. one of my saddest days as a mother was when I had to tell them that farting and burping in public was just not acceptable. doesn't everyone do it, they asked?

many of you know about my christmas tree incident. every year, usually toward the END of january , when the tree is nice and dry, I throw it out my courtyard window. I climb out onto my fire escape as my two daughters push and pull the tree toward me in their work gloves. I suspend myself on my fire escape just so, so I don't find myself tumbling down with the tree. I give it a big heave-ho and over it goes. The girls and I have found it a cleansing ritual, our ringing in of the new year. getting rid of the old and welcoming in the new...we laugh so hard every year as they complain how crazy their mom is. they LOVE it!!!! this year I was busted by my downstairs neighbor whose garden was littered with those bastard needles that threaded the berber of my carpet, and her ivy! she left a nasty note over the mailbox saying "dear neighbor". the rest of the note was as about as nasty as it could get, given she is a God-fearing Christian. long story short, that weekend I brought her flowers and swept up the mess. damn, that was EXACTLY what I avoiding doing in the first place in my apartment.

yesterday, Princess emailed me saying she found a split end in her hair that "belonged in the Guinness Book of World Records". She actually stored it in an envelope and brought it home to show me like a 5-year-old doing show 'n tell. BTW, she is 19. she was so proud. i told her i'd seen better...

her sister, Queenie, has taken a liking to the of prying open of my eyes with her fingers in the morning when they are glued shut with sleep crust. she makes a sound with her mouth like a creaking door as she does it. how genius is that??!!

motherhood, WHAT a joy!!!